It’s been a year since I first opened up about my struggles with Trich (see that post here) so I thought it was time for an update.
I was overwhelmed by the positive reactions and supportive comments on my blog posts and across various social media platforms. Telling the world about my little quirk? That wasn’t so scary after all.
I’m realizing more and more just how common Trich and other Body Focused Repetitive Disorders are. After publishing my original post, I had quite a few people, both online and IRL, come forward and tell me they've had similar experiences. If you’re struggling with hair pulling, skin picking, or anything of that nature… please don’t feel ashamed. So many people have it. Trust me.
So how I am doing with pulling my hair? Well, not so great but I’m okay with it. Let’s come back to that.
Sharing my story on my blog truly helped me accept this part of who I am, for better or for worse. Sure, I wish I could find a way to stop; however, I’ve accepted that I will probably deal with Trich the rest of my life. Hopefully I’ll have periods where I can get it under control, but maybe I won’t. And that’s okay too, because I’ve learned to love myself anyway.
All this self-love sounds great, right? Well unfortunately an unintended side effect of accepting my ongoing struggle with Trich is that I’ve gotten incredibly complacent and my pulling has become much worse and frequent. I became tired of defining my worth by how many days in a row I could go without pulling my hair. So I stopped counting.
Now I’m at this strange intersection of having my hair in the worst state it’s ever been, but being not all that upset about it. (Don’t get me wrong, I still get upset about it, but nothing like the wallowing and pity parties I used to have.) I’ll confidently wear my hair down, even though I know some short pieces may peek out. Loved ones have assured me they have never once noticed any thin patches, but that’s because I generally spend a lot of time styling my hair just so. Lately I’ve become a little more carefree about hiding imperfections with my hair. I’m cute anyway, ya know?
Here’s the big problem… because I’m perpetually playing with my hair, either pulling or searching for a piece that “needs” to be pulled, I’ve developed a ganglion cyst in my wrist. I’ve tried wearing a brace, which helps a little but not really. I saw my doctor and she confirmed my self-diagnosis. My options are to go to a specialist and have it drained with a needle (ouch) but it will most likely come back anyway if I don’t get the pulling under control. Sigh.
I’m reaching a turning point. Learning to love myself despite my hatred for how Trich has affected my life was an important journey for me. Now it’s time to start a new chapter and work on getting this under control. I don’t need to be perfect. I can slip up and that’s okay, but I want to trend better overall. At a minimum, I have to let this cyst heal because it can be painful at times.
I want to stay accountable by blogging about Trich and hope to attract some new readers that may benefit from posts about what has and hasn’t helped me. So consider this a new category of the blog!